Still looking back, down the road less travelled
In life, there’re many could-have-been moments that you keep wondering about, decisions you keep looking back on a wonder “what if I’d taken the other road less/more travelled?” I regret little in this life, and have learnt to reduce the middle-of-the-night existentially-angsty could-have-been-moments to mere academic/intellectual hypotheses. But one issue I haven’t quite shaken off (perhaps time will help) is the whole Singapore vs US scholarship thing. Though I’ve often said I opted for the Duke scholarship for its un-Singaporean bondless-ness, I’ve often wondered at what I’ve lost by turning my back on the System—the very System I hope to change or in some way aid. Reading the blogs of friends who’ve taken the scholarship road more traveled (no less respect to them, methinks), I’m impressed by the elitist but enriching experiences they have gone/are going through. Fair enough, a scholarship doesn’t dictate your future entirely, but it does kind of nudge you into (or out of) certain niches. I’m still trying to figure out where mine nudges me.
Perhaps (correction, I know) God has a plan for me. I’m just not so sure what it is. C’est la vie I guess. That and M. Louise Haskins’ ever-famous 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!'
Even in this turmoil I feel a (or the?) Teacher stirring in me, urging me to help others cross this tumultuous zone of choices, a zone full of potential for loss and great beauty, a zone where lives and souls lie hanging in the balance and can swing either way at the touch of a stranger’s voice. But still, help may hinder, and should be judiciously given, so I hesitate to offer too much to too many. Wisely and slow, they stumblest that run fast.
Have I mentioned that I feel like a miniature angel whenever I blog-hop? Am doing my rounds now (haven’t done so for over a month now, being busy and all) and as clichéd and old as all the teen whining/bitching/angsting sounds I cannot find it in my heart to scorn them. Instead I say a li’l prayer for them and move on to the next blog, even if it says much the same things. From Ecclesiastes: nihil sub sole novum--there is nothing new under the sun. But that doesn’t mean there is no meaning under it, either.
(Edited-in addendum: is looking back in doubt being ungrateful to God? I don’t think so.)
Semantics of a First-and-a-half World nation
You know, now that I actually think on it, I do believe that meritocracy and elitism are just two sides of the same coin. Why then is “meritocracy” (and its sister “egalitarianism) a politically correct phrase, whereas “elitism” produces a knee-jerk reaction of hate, disgust and injustice?
Just an idle thought. Being at the office on a public holiday seems to invite such thoughts.
(What I’d give to be less cerebral but happier.)
Yet another irrelevant post (or, Bored on Hari Raya as Worldwide Suicide Bombings Temporarily Cease For Some Strange Reason…)
Irrelevant thought: I’m forecasting a budget deficit (meaning, spent more than earned) for this month, and maybe Dec, a first in my financial history. I usually spend well under $200 a month but looks like I’ll have to eat into my reserves, not generally a good policy. I guess it’s parental upbringing, cos despite being well-off and never wanting for anything I’m still relatively frugal, a rarity fro my generation methinks. I haven’t quite gotten to the stage of recording down every single purchase I make, but for these two months it might be a good idea.
Usual monthly
Transport: ~$60
Food: ~$60-80 (inc crappy but ex fast food like BK)
CDs, books and other indulgences: ~$10-60 depending on season, mood, and happenstance.
In life, there’re many could-have-been moments that you keep wondering about, decisions you keep looking back on a wonder “what if I’d taken the other road less/more travelled?” I regret little in this life, and have learnt to reduce the middle-of-the-night existentially-angsty could-have-been-moments to mere academic/intellectual hypotheses. But one issue I haven’t quite shaken off (perhaps time will help) is the whole Singapore vs US scholarship thing. Though I’ve often said I opted for the Duke scholarship for its un-Singaporean bondless-ness, I’ve often wondered at what I’ve lost by turning my back on the System—the very System I hope to change or in some way aid. Reading the blogs of friends who’ve taken the scholarship road more traveled (no less respect to them, methinks), I’m impressed by the elitist but enriching experiences they have gone/are going through. Fair enough, a scholarship doesn’t dictate your future entirely, but it does kind of nudge you into (or out of) certain niches. I’m still trying to figure out where mine nudges me.
Perhaps (correction, I know) God has a plan for me. I’m just not so sure what it is. C’est la vie I guess. That and M. Louise Haskins’ ever-famous 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!'
Even in this turmoil I feel a (or the?) Teacher stirring in me, urging me to help others cross this tumultuous zone of choices, a zone full of potential for loss and great beauty, a zone where lives and souls lie hanging in the balance and can swing either way at the touch of a stranger’s voice. But still, help may hinder, and should be judiciously given, so I hesitate to offer too much to too many. Wisely and slow, they stumblest that run fast.
Have I mentioned that I feel like a miniature angel whenever I blog-hop? Am doing my rounds now (haven’t done so for over a month now, being busy and all) and as clichéd and old as all the teen whining/bitching/angsting sounds I cannot find it in my heart to scorn them. Instead I say a li’l prayer for them and move on to the next blog, even if it says much the same things. From Ecclesiastes: nihil sub sole novum--there is nothing new under the sun. But that doesn’t mean there is no meaning under it, either.
(Edited-in addendum: is looking back in doubt being ungrateful to God? I don’t think so.)
Semantics of a First-and-a-half World nation
You know, now that I actually think on it, I do believe that meritocracy and elitism are just two sides of the same coin. Why then is “meritocracy” (and its sister “egalitarianism) a politically correct phrase, whereas “elitism” produces a knee-jerk reaction of hate, disgust and injustice?
Just an idle thought. Being at the office on a public holiday seems to invite such thoughts.
(What I’d give to be less cerebral but happier.)
Yet another irrelevant post (or, Bored on Hari Raya as Worldwide Suicide Bombings Temporarily Cease For Some Strange Reason…)
Irrelevant thought: I’m forecasting a budget deficit (meaning, spent more than earned) for this month, and maybe Dec, a first in my financial history. I usually spend well under $200 a month but looks like I’ll have to eat into my reserves, not generally a good policy. I guess it’s parental upbringing, cos despite being well-off and never wanting for anything I’m still relatively frugal, a rarity fro my generation methinks. I haven’t quite gotten to the stage of recording down every single purchase I make, but for these two months it might be a good idea.
Usual monthly
Transport: ~$60
Food: ~$60-80 (inc crappy but ex fast food like BK)
CDs, books and other indulgences: ~$10-60 depending on season, mood, and happenstance.
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